They say you should never meet your heroes. I’ve always kind of had a weird relationship with who my heroes are. Most people think of celebrities, but I see celebrities as just people who got famous for playing a persona. It’s cool you’re a superstar in sports, or one of the greatest people on TV, but like.. that’s not who you are. It’s who you play in the public eye. I had a few moments of “celebrity fame” when I got recognized by a bunch of ravers in a foreign city during my DJ days. They asked me for my autograph, which was REALLY awkward for me. They seemingly idolized me as this big shot DJ (I really wasn’t), meanwhile little did they know that I’d just moved out of my mother’s house and was living barely above the poverty line with a roommate, working a shit desk-jockey job.

So, who are my heroes? My dad? He’s a terrible person. My mother? Well.. yes, in a lot of ways. My friends? Ya, a lot of them, actually. I look up to them. Someone who did something really cool which advanced society in a way I feel positive? Heck ya. The single parent who works 3 minimum wage jobs just to ensure the kids are fed and clothed, absolutely! Maybe it’s that kid who got bullied their entire life, was suicidal, and rose up above their childhood to live a prosperous and happy adult life – You’re incredible! However, there was a time when Wayne Gretzky was one of those heroes, and that’s totally OK.

If You Don’t Know

Wayne Gretzky was basically the greatest hockey player who ever lived, depending on who you ask. He holds almost all of the most prestigious records in hockey, many of which will likely never be broken. He’s (was?) a Canadian icon, born and raised in Brantford, Ontario with a father named Walter Gretzky. Walter is a subject that I could spend hours writing about, but the gist is, the man’s only flaw is that he raised a son who tuned out to be such a piece of shit he’s probably rolling in his grave right now. Walter will forever be the icon of that family in my mind. Yet his son Wayne – Well… he became such a Canadian icon that he was one step away from being printed on the $100 bill.

I must have been 7 or 8 years old. My dad woke me up and told me I had to watch the hockey game with him. It was the dynasty Edmonton Oilers as they were about to win another Stanley Cup. I watched it happen, thanks to my dad (one of the only truly fond memories I have of him – and Wayne, ironically). That was like watching magic as a kid, and naturally Wayne became a bit of a hero for me – as he did many boys my age. We wanted to be hockey players, and we were sure we’d make the NHL just like him. The only problem that stood in our way was that we kind of sucked at being that good. It went so far as when I first got to pick my number on a hockey jersey I asked for 99, Wayne’s number. Turns out they don’t make jerseys with the number 99 for toddlers who can barely skate, so I settled on 9, which has been my number almost ever since.

Once An Idol, Now Hated

How could such a guy who was regarded as some sort of Canadian god suddenly become one of the most hated people? It’s pretty simple, actually. I’ll break it down for you in point form.

1. First, he makes trash wine and whisky. But, I’ll give him a pass on that
2. Complete alcoholic. He’s trashed in nearly all of his public appearances.
3. His wife Janet has a massive gambling problem. Who did Wayne shill for? That’s right, MGM Bet. What a nice supportive partner he is.
4. Comes out during the 4 Nations face-off and snubs the entire country of Canada, while wearing blue, and giving nods to the entire American team.
5. He’s of Ukrainian descent. Yet, supports the annexing of his heritage.
6. Supports Canada becoming the “51st State” of the USA. 
7. When the entire country of Canada turned on him, he couldn’t even make a statement about how we all have it wrong. Instead, he got his wife to make some emotional Instagram post (now deleted), about how he’s heartbroken. I’m sure he’ll get over it and wipe those tears away with the $250,000,000 from his net worth.
8. Has ties to the International Democracy Union through his good buddy Steven Harper, which is basically an organization that white-washes genocide and downplays dictators around the world – really nice stuff, ya know.

For a guy who avoided any sort of fight, or being body-checked his entire career, he sure did come out of it as a brain dead demented old sack of shit.